Lowering expectations

Staying at home is hard. I always thought moms that stayed at home had too much time on their hands because they would have a new decorating project or cooking experiment or grand playdate planned.

I understand it now.

Staying home, looking at the same walls all day....well, it makes you dream. What would the wall look like with a different picture on it? A new color? You can't help but dream about changing your surroundings when see it for hours a day. When I was working, I never cared about clutter, or new pictures to frame etc. It wasn't on my radar at all. But now? It's different.

But more importantly, it is hard to have the weight of child development on you. Are the kids getting enough playtime? Should they do more arts and crafts? Or socialize with children more? Do they eat a variety of food? Maybe ride their bikes more to get stronger? All of these thought have come into my head. I feel the weight of raising capable kids. I don't mean stellar kids that will excel or surpass their peers. I just mean: will my kids be able to hang in the playground, enjoy school etc without me?

So I try to prepare them as I know how. Get good nutrients into them so they are used to, and expect, healthful food. Have them meet new kids, introduce themselves and enjoy a new playmate. The list goes on and on.

But my headline: I need to lower my expectations right now. With three kids, it is hard. Hard to go anywhere alone with them. Hard to get anything done at home. Hard to enrich their lives in any way that takes a lot of effort (which most do).  Bill is traveling a lot and something has to give. So I have to make peace that it means: simple dinners that they will eat, only an occassional playdate (and hopefully not at my house), sticking close to home (we can't get much done between 12 and 2:30pm) and maybe the same ol toys they are used to. No fancy art stuff, no fun surprise games (although the crepe paper matrix I set up once was so fun!)

I am bummed about this. But I need to remind myself that the kids are better off with relaxed/happy/boring mom than with a mom who is overburdened/tired/burnt out. And honestly? I am burning out trying to give them everything.